Week 1

Caesar (Gary): Welcome, welcome, welcome to Week 1 of the BBB Games Pregame Show! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Caesar (Gary): This week, we have some fantastic matchups. David for the Commisisoner, Ashlyn vs Dana, Steve vs Linda, Paul vs Justin, Gary vs Travis, and Jordan vs Tracy. Mmmm. Are you excited?!

Claudius (Paul): Not really, Gary.

Caesar (Gary): Before we begin, we have some tragic news. We've gotten reports that Travis Kelce hyperextended his knee and is uncertain to play on the opening game of the year on Thursday. Word has it the Commissioner used his jinx powers. The League isn't happy since most of them are Chiefs fans. Let's go now to the Commissioner's palace to hear his response.

Commissioner (James): No one is a bigger Chiefs fan than I am. Tragically, this happened. I extend my sincere apologies to Chiefs Nation for not being more careful with my jink powers. Yet, we stand united as ever. The League, today. The League, tomorrow. The League, forever!

Caesar (Gary): Powerful and touching words from our beloved Commissioner.

Claudius (Paul): Easy for him to say. Kelce is on my team!

Caesar (Gary): Indeed. Let's look at your matchup vs. the 3 time League Champion, Beetee (Justin).

Caesar (Gary): Before the Kelce injury, the game was a toss-up, but now you will have to switch to Chiggy Okonkwo vs. the Saints. How are you feeling about Chiggy this week?

Claudius (Paul): Not great, Gary! Not great.

Caesar (Gary): Well, you'll have to hope it's not a long-term injury and he can bounce back soon.

Caesar (Gary): Let's move on to the Commissioner's matchup with David. It's not looking good for the kid, but there is hope. Higbee could be a beast against Seattle with no Cooper Kupp. We'll find out real quick if Rodgers still is legit when he faces David's Bills DST. I know the Commissioner hopes the Bills DST shuts the Jets' offense down and reminds Rodgers that he is old. The difference maker is between Waddle and Evans. The Commissioner still has nightmares over what Evans did to him in the Championship last year. But it's a new year with a new QB. They face the Vikings' defense, so if Evans can't post a big game against the Vikings, his 1000-yard season streak will already be in danger.

Claudius (Paul): My season is already in danger.

Caesar (Gary): Speaking of danger, I better get my lineup set before the Commissioner calls me out. I never can remember how to set my lineup every year. It's a mystery to me. Trying to decide who will win this contest is as challenging as figuring out who can drink the most between Travis and me. I'm worried a little about Mahomes without Kelce. Kelce not playing limits his upside, I think.

Claudius (Paul): You think?! He's his #1 receiver! You are screwed!

Caesar (Gary): Probably so, but I believe in Mahomes and the Chief's merry band of wide receivers. I'm still going to beat Travis.

Claudius (Paul): We'll see.

Caesar (Gary): What is easy to see is Jordan beating Tracy by 20+ points this week. Most of the matchups are competitive. Not this one. Dallas' linebackers will shut down Waller. Conner isn't running far against the Commanders' run defense, which was good last year and looks to be the same this year. It's not like they have to be worried about passing. Conner is going to see a lot of stacked boxes. The Jets will have to keep pace with the Bills, which means pass, pass, pass to Garrett Wilson. Rodgers is going to feed his new favorite wide receiver.

Claudius (Paul): Not much more needs to be said. How does the defending champion look in her first week defending her title?

Caesar (Gary): It will not be a blowout like the previous matchup, but Ashlyn has the edge over Dana. The outcome comes down to their RB2 matchups. Dana has Najee facing the 49ers. Not good. Ashlyn has Dobbins facing the porous Texans' run defense.

Claudius (Paul): Ewww. Yeah. Not good for Dana at all.

Caesar (Gary): This brings us to our other lady of the League, Mrs. Linda. She faces last year's biggest loser (Steve), who is still recovering from sitting on the Crapper the entire draft. This close matchup will come down to the defenses of all things. Linda has the Chiefs facing a potent Lions offense. It's going to be a high-scoring game. Meanwhile, the Commanders face the Cardinals with a practice squad QB starting. It's going to be a bloodbath in DC.

Caesar (Gary): That will do it for this week's Pregame Show. Check back after the games to hear the Commissioner's State of the League address.

Claudius (Paul): Bye.