Hi Ho! Welcome to the first week of the Kommissioner’s Korner where I will project the winners and losers in the League. I’m looking forward to a great season of competitive play…just not from my team in the Beards Division. Let’s get to the matchups!
Kermit the Kommissioner (James) vs Beating On A Frog (Paul)
Paul’s team is cooking with peanut oil and my team is on the menu. Paul has the counter-intuitive pairing of Josh Allen facing his Rams defense on Thursday night. This should limit Paul’s upside, but if Allen gets 4 TDs on TNF, Paul won’t be complaining. Conner should do well against a Chiefs D that has traditionally struggled to stop the run. I am hoping the Chiefs show improvement this year in this area. Gibson has a good matchup against the Jags so unless he fumbles early and gets benched, he is a lock for double-digit points. My only hope is Wentz is a stinker and limits Gibson’s red zone opportunities. I fully expect Kelce to have his best game since 2020 against me just to give me the middle finger for not keeping him.
My wide receivers have some tough matchups, so I expect to limp out of the gate. My running back matchups aren’t much better against Broncos D and Ravens D. I may struggle to break 100 points in Week 1.
Prediction: Paul serves up James’ team on a platter
Dr. Honeydew (Travis) vs Gonzo the Great (Justin)
The top two teams at the end of the 2021 season and beginning of the 2022 season face off to see who gets the early advantage in the Beards division. However, the gap between #1 and #2 is significant. The King is going to remain on his throne this week.
Rodgers owns the NFC North. He may not own the Vikings as much as the Bears, but he will still do better than Dak against the Bucs D. Taylor and Mixon vs Javonte and Zeke vs Bucs? No contest. If Travis is going to make this matchup competitive, he is going to need a huge game from the Saints DST against the Falcons and Kupp will have to have a monster game against the Bills DST.
Prediction: The King schools Travis
Miss Piggy (Dana) vs Fozzie Bear (David)
Finally, a competitive matchup to prognosticate. I was just kidding. Russ is going to cook against his former team on MNF. Trey Lance is still an enigma. He could be good. He could be bad. Who knows?! Not good that the 49ers felt they had to keep Jimmy G as the backup though.
At the running back position, Fozz gets the edge with Kamara’s easy matchup vs the Falcons and Jones could get 10 targets against the Vikings. The Bengals D is no joke, so the Steelers will struggle to move the ball with Trubisky limiting Najee’s opportunities. It’s hard to get 30 touches if you are going 3 and out.
To have a chance at an upset, Dana needs her 1st round oopsie, Davante Adams, to deliver on the high price she paid for him. Likewise, DJ Moore must have a monster game as Mayfield’s primary target in his grudge map against the Browns. With CMC healthy to start the season, that isn’t likely.
Prediction: Fozz feels the fizz
Oscar the Grouch (Tracy) vs Scooter (Gary)
Trashy Tracy gets a trashy matchup against the trashy roster Gary assembled. That’s a lot of trash, but for Trac,y it’s all treasure. Tracy’s team dominates just about every position. If Tracy had any balls he would play his 3rd round pick, Dameon Pierce, just to make it fair.
Gary is going all in on his Homer strategy starting Mahomes, JuJu, and Hardman. Doh! Looking at Gary’s bench, I see why. Ewwwww.
Prediction: Tracy takes Gary to the dump
Elmo (Jordan) vs Abby (Ashlyn)
Finally, we have a toss up matchup between Jordan and Ashlyn. The Rookie looks to start with a win against a team who needs to prove he was not a fluke in his rookie season. These teams are built similarly. Both have mobile QBs. Both have a stud RB with questions around their RB2. Ash has stronger WR, but Jordan has a WR playing TE in Pitts.
This matchup will come down to whether Jordan follows through with his gutsy two TE starting lineup and whether Gabriel Davis breakout comes to fruition on TNF against the Rams. If Gabriel busts out with 2 TDs, Ashlyn is in deep trouble.
Prediction: Elmo reams the Rookie
BoBo the Bear (Steve) vs Janice (Linda)
The NFL projections show this as a close matchup. That’s laughable. Steve’s lineup dominates Mrs. Mayhem. Swift and Chubb should outscore Etienne and Akers by 15 points. The same for Deebo and Williams over Waddle and Cooper. It doesn’t take a ton of analysis to see that Linda’s team is overmatched this week…probably most weeks.
Prediction: BoBo roars to a Week 1 win
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